Coffee Break
by 2211Nighthawk
Summary: When the cameras are off, actors are allowed to relax and show their true colors and friendships behind screen. The casts of the 1980 and the 2007 Transformers Movies are no exception. With a short break between filming, it's time for a little catching up and making fun of the script and each other. / Major AU and OOC but it's an amusing concept.


**No I'm not dead. Muse is, but I'm not.**

 **Ok, I was bored and this idea popped into my head out of nowhere. It's been on my computer for a while and since I'm beating my head against the wall with TMJ:A, i cleaned this up instead. I'm working on TMJ, I really am, but between stuff and work and stuff and family and stuff and WRITER'S BLOCK I'm stuck. I really want to get another chapter out this year (wow that sounds bad...) but no promises sorry.**

 **So the idea for this was a DeviantArt picture i saw of G1 Autobots watching the Bay verse movie and I came up with this.**

 **Totally and entirely crack but you'll see why. I think the concept is amusing and decided to post because i miss hearing from you guys.**

 **So, here's the latest thing to pop out of my brain.**

 **Enjoy.**

* * *

Optimus Prime scowled as he brushed at the black scorch marks on his chassis.

"You didn't have to be so close." He muttered, glaring at the other mech in the room. Megatron turned back to Optimus innocently.

"What I'd do wrong?" He asked casually, snagging a mug off the top shelf and passing a second to the flamed red and blue mech.

"You shot me." Optimus replied, snatching the mug with a scowl and pouring himself some hot energon. He filled Megaton's mug as well when the silver grey mech held his out.

"And what's wrong with that?" Megatron asked, taking a sip.

"You didn't have to be that close. Amazing fact of life, those blanks do actually hurt!" Optimus protested.

"That's how close I was supposed to be." Megatron said with a shrug before subspacing a thick datapad and tossing it at the mech. "Says so in the script."

Optimus managed to catch it before it hit him in the helm and he scowled, switching it on as he sat down at a table. Megatron remained standing at the counter with a confident smirk, crossing one arm over his chassis.

"It says right there. 'Megatron shoots Prime at point blank range; blast sends Prime crashing into building.' Right there."

Optimus scowled, glancing up at the slightly taller mech.

"Fine." He huffed before throwing it back at the mech.

"Primus, off screen an' ya still trying tah off' each other." Jazz said as he walked in, his black and white plating covered in dust. "Ya better not 'ave drank tha' all."

Megatron shrugged before gesturing to the still full pot. "Help yourself. The Ironhides and Ratchets ain't here yet and neither is your twin."

"Yeah, wonder where 'ee got off tah." Jazz said, pouring a mug. "Said somethin' bout Bay 'ad ah new altmode fo' 'im."

"Really?" Megatron asked with a grimace. "Great. We'll never heard the end of that. You were already enough when you found out what yours was."

"Ha, he'll almost be as bad as when you found out you got to keep your altmode." Optimus said with a grin as Jazz took a seat across from him.

"Yeah yeah." Megatron said with a scowl rolling his optics as Megatron walked in. "So how's the '80's movie coming?" He asked his gunmetal grey counterpart. The other Megatron snickered into his freshly poured mug of energon, standing beside the bigger mech.

"Wonderful."

"I'm sure it is." Optimus said with a smirk. "You shot everyone yet?"

"No I-"

"Seriously Hide! This is the fourth time we've had to reshoot because you keep messing up! This stuff is nearly impossible to get off doorwings!"

"Ah said Ah was sorry!"

"Sweet Primus Prowl!" Jazz yelped, jumping out of his chair and almost dropping his energon. "Did ya 'alf tah come in here lookin' like tha'?!"

"Good grief mech." Optimus sputtered also stiffening.

Prowl paused before glancing down at himself and cringing as energon dripped down his arm and chassis.

"Sorry about that." He said, examining the life-like fluid. "Tamara got a little excited that we have to shoot the ambush scene. Again. Anyone that thinks the makeup artists are so nice needs to spend two hours under Tamara's TLC."

"Ha! She makes ya two look nice." Jazz snickered, gesturing toward the Megatrons.

"So that's why you're in such a good mood." Megatron said with a smirk, glancing at the 80's Megatron. The other mech shrugged, still grinning as he leaned against the counter beside his counterpart.

"What can I say? I get to shoot mechs." Megatron said with a dangerous grin as Ratchet stalked in, red and white plating streaked with energon.

"Ah said Ah was sorry!" Ironhide protested as the red mech walked in, the same blue fluid streaking his frame.

"This is the fourth time!" Ratchet snapped, staring down at his chassis in disgust. "Primus this stuff looks real."

"Hey where's your Ratchet?" Ironhide asked, directing the attention away from himself and toward Megatron. "Figured he be the first one here."

"Arguing with Bay again. Trying to keep him from killing off Jazz." Megatron replied.

"Wha?!" Jazz squawked, stiffing in alarm.

"Yeah, I rip him in half." Megatron continued with a grin.

"How come you get up close and personal?" Megaton asked, glaring at the other grey mech. "I only get to shoot mechs."

"What can I say, I'm a natural in the spotlight." Megatron said with a grin as the other Megatron rolled his optics.

"Now tha' aint fair." Jazz pouted as Prowl slid into a chair beside him.

"Says the one that actually survives our movie." Prowl added with a sly smirk.

"Ha! Ya right!" Jazz said with a slag eating grin.

"Yeah, how long do you survive? I die at the end of mine." Megatron asked, glancing at the mech beside him.

80's Megatron smirked.

"Well the good news is that I do get to kill Prime."

"What?!" Optimus squawked as he walked in, staring at a datapad. "You liar."

"What are you talking about!" Megatron argued. "You die in the first half hour of the movie!"

"But not before I kill you." Optimus corrected, accepting the mug Bay Megatron handed him.

"Seriously? The first half?" Megatron asked in disgust as his twin grumble under his breath.

"Sorry mechs, Meg's right." Ratchet said with a scowl, dropping onto the couch. "According to the timeline, Megatron does die but you die first."

"Oh come on!" Optimus protested, glancing up finally.

"Sorry Optimus." Bay's Optimus replied with a shrug. "But remember, in the movies, good guys always win."

"Yeah yeah yeah…" Both Megatron's groused.

"I have had it with that man!" Ratchet snarled, storming in. 80's Megatron jumped out of the way as Ratchet shoved himself to the energon, pouring a mug and tossing it back like a shot of high-grade.

"Problems with the producer?" 80's Optimus asked as he took a seat beside Ironhide at another table.

Ratchet shot him a dark look before roughly plopping down beside his 80's counterpart.

"Well somebody has to die otherwise it's unfair for all the Decepticons and because we _have_ to keep the leader, the adorable extra, the raw power and the only one that can _fix them_ , Jazz has to die." Ratchet quoted. "Oh please. How many episodes did you shoot where _nobody_ on _either_ side even got hit!"

"The joys of staring in a kid friendly show. Welcome to PG." Ratchet said with a smirk. "Besides, at least you don't die.

Ratchet glared at him with a huff.

"Yeah got a point." He finally said.

Ratchet muttered something into his drink and Ratchet stiffened, turning to the red and white mech.

"I do not look stupid!" He barked. "I think I look very good in fluorescent yellow!"

"Makes a nice target." Megatron said with a grin only to receive a smoldering glare from both Ratchets.

"Where's Ironhide? He hasn't joined the gang yet." Ironhide asked before things could get physical.

"Yeah, haven't seen him since that scene where Starscream shot up Neon Target here and Ironhide." Ratchet said only to receive an elbow in the side from the neon yellow mech.

"Yes, very nice by the way." 80's Megatron piped up. "I like the part where you came flying in and ripped up the street. The slow motion scene? Very well done."

"Ah yes, one of my finer moments of destruction." Bay Megatron said, examining his claws with a grin. Both Optimus' scowled at him and both Megatron's shrugged in response.

"Incoming!" Ironhide yelled as he skidded into the room. He transformed and had his cannons out in half a second and aimed in his counterpart's face.

Ironhide yelped in surprise at the much larger pair of guns in his face and everyone burst out laughing.

"Feeling lucky, punk?" Ironhide asked with a grin only for Optimus and Ratchet to roll their optics.

"Yeah yeah." The red mech growled as he sat back down.

"What's ya problem mech?" Ironhide asked with a grin, subspacing the weapons and dragging a chair over.

"Oh be quiet." Ironhide grumbled as Ratchet reached over and smacked him.

"Boy you are jumpy." He said with a grin. "First you mess up your shot and now this? Mech, you need some rest and relaxation."

"Says the neon yellow target."

"Oh lay off the paint!"

The door slid open and a silver streak skidded into the room. Jazz exploded upward in a fancy twist that his 80's counterpart glowered at.

"Wha's crackin' glitches?" He quoted with a wide grin. "Check out tah new treads!" He spun to his grinning black and white counterpart and struck a pose. "Fresh off tah line! Pontiac Solstice, '07! Ah still smell like new car."

The black and white mech grinned before tapping the emblem on his chassis.

"He's ah Porsche?!" Jazz squawked and Prowl snorted into his energon. He spun to Bay' Optimus with a hurt look on his faceplates. "Ah wanna beh ah Porsche!"

"Sorry mech. Nothin' like tah 80's." Jazz said with a grin as the other Jazz stalked to the energon with a huff. "Good music too."

"You'll have to talk to Bay again." Optimus said with a grin. "We all know how well that went last time."

"Oh?" 80's Megatron asked.

"He was supposed to be a Chevy Cruise but when he found out Bumblebee was a Camaro he blew a fuse and demanded to get a cooler alt." Ratchet supplied.

"What about a Corvette?" Megatron continued. "Those are nice cars."

"Bay's savin' it fo' tah _next_ movie." Jazz grumbled. "Ah'm dead an'- an' An' ya drank all tah energon!"

Bay Megatron laughed, reaching over the _much_ shorter mech to nudge Bay Megatron.

"Ya rustheaps." Jazz muttered, starting a new pot on to heat up. With a pout he spun around to cross his arms over his chassis and glower at the still grinning black and white Jazz.

"So tell me Jazz," 80's Megatron asked, propping his arm on Jazz's helm. "What's it like being much shorter. You used to be a decent height."

"He's right. You're what. A minibot?" Megatron asked on Jazz's other side.

"Ah'm not short!" Jazz yelled, throwing his arms up and knocking Megatron's arm off.

"Ya know, they are right." Jazz said with a grin and Prowl smirked over the edge of his glass. "Ah'm what, helm and shoulders over ya?"

" _You_ get eaten' by ah planet." Jazz countered with a triumphant grin, reaching for a mug. "In tah first half o' tah movie."

"Ooh, he has a point." 80's Ratchet said with a grin. "Pit, most of us die in the first half of the movie. Hide', Prowl, Wheeljack, Windcharger, Brawn, myself-"

"So what's the plot then if all the main actors die?" Optimus asked.

"Talk to your twin." Ratchet replied with a grin, gesturing to where 80's Optimus was focused on the datapad. He glanced up sharply.

"Huh?"

"What's the plot if you're dead?" Optimus asked.

"Meg's, get me a stupid mug." Jazz growled lowly.

"Sure thing shorty." Bay Megatron said as he easily snagged a mug and moved it down a shelf.

"Really?" Jazz demanded as Jazz and Prowl both started laughing. "Shut up! Ah'm not short!"

"Course you're not. You're fun sized." Prowl said with a straight face before dissolving into snickers again. Jazz shot him a murderous look before proceeding to climb onto the counter to reach a mug.

"Afts." He growled.

"I get replaced?!" 80's Optimus yelled.

"Can ya voice go tha' high?" 80's Jazz asked, glancing across at Optimus. The blue and red flamed mech started at his counterpart with wide optics and a huge grin.

"No. I don't think I can." He replied as the other Optimus frantically flipped though the datapad.

"I'm dead." He said in a dumbfounded tone before looking up at the rest of his cast members. "I'm dead."

"Well done Einstein." Ratchet replied as Bay Ratchet groaned, smacking his head into his palm. "Did you even _read_ the whole script beforehand?"

"Yes!" Optimus defended before wilting. "But I keep forgetting my lines.

"One shall rise!" 80's Megatron said in a deep, commanding tone, striking a pose in the middle of the room. "One shall fall!"

"Hey! I like that line!" Optimus snapped, jabbing a finger at Megatron while Bay Megatron fought to keep form howling with laugher. "Almost as good as 'Autobots, Roll out!'"

"That is catchy." Optimus agreed. "Think Bay will let me say it?"

"Probably not. Sorry Optimus." Ironhide said with a shrug as he crossed black arms over his chassis.

"Here here here." Optimus interrupted, holding up the datapad. "I get replaced by someone named Hot Rod who turns into Rodimus Prime. Who's he?"

"The punk that tackled me when you had a clean shot?" Megatron spoke up. "The red flamed mech."

"Him?" Optimus asked, disgust think in his voice. "No wonder you guys almost win. Even with that crazy Galvatron mech taking over."

"It's a pity they kill Starscream." 80's Megatron said. "He was a decent mech. I like working with him."

"I read the script." Prowl spoke up before glancing at Opitmus. "You pass the Matrix onto Ultra Magnus."

"Ultra Magnus?! Ya managed tah get _him_ involved?!" Jazz demanded as the silver mech slid in beside Prowl. "How tah frack did ya managed tah get _Magnus_ involved?!"

"Yes we did." Ratchet said with a smug grin. "Oh, and he kinda replaced you." He added, pointing a digit at Prowl. The Praxian shrugged.

"At least he's a decent actor. Unlike that Hot Rod mech."

"Hey, Roddy's pretty cool." Jazz objected. "Ee's got some pretty cool music. Bon Jovi, Michael Jackson, Madonna, good 80's stuff."

"Hey! Don't fo'get Beyonce, Usher, Black Eyed Peas, current stuff." Jazz objected.

"Meh." Jazz replied with a shrug. "Ah guess it's fine. Nothin' beats tah 80's Shorteh."

"Ah'm not short!"

"Jazz, Jazz, enough before I go deaf!" Prowl interrupted, ducking a bit as the two continued to glare at each other over his helm. "And you're both wrong. Country's the best."

"What?!"

"Ya lost ya processor?!"

"Ah knew ya took one too many 'its tah deh head!"

"Smokin' somthin'."

"Crazy glitch."

"What about Rihanna!"

"Lady Gaga!"

"Don't forget Elvis."

"Oh, Styx!"

"Weird Al."

"Who?" Jazz asked.

"Google it. 'Ee's got some good ones. Dare Tah Beh Stupid is ah funny one." Jazz replied.

"Isn't it on ya movie soundtrack?"

"Yep." Jazz replied with another slag eating grin.

"Huh. Ah'll 'ave tah look it up." Jazz said with a focus look before completely spacing out, no doubt downloading the song right then and there. A moment later 80's Jazz was also spaced.

"Well with their two cents of nonsense." Bay Ironhide said with a smirk.

"Just wait till he and Blaster get at it." Prowl said in a low voice, nervously glancing at the two mechs bobbing their heads to music only they could hear.

"True true." Ratchet said, bobbing his head before throwing a datapad at Optimus. "Prime! You still with us!"

"Wha-" Optimus stuttered, just barely catching the datapad before it hit him in the helm. Bay Optimus chuckled, leaning back in his seat to watch.

"How's the memorizing going." He asked with a grin.

"Ugg." Optimus groaned, making a face despite his battle mask. "Way easier to just wing it."

"Then you end up shooting a scene _four times_!" Ratchet snapped, reaching out to kick Ironhide's chair.

"Ah said Ah was sorry!" He protested.

"Feel free to keep messing up as much as you want to." Megatron piped up as 'Bay Megatron snickered. "I don't mind."

"Cause you get to shoot everyone!" Both Ratchets yelled.

"He's wrong!"

Everyone paying attention jumped as 80's Optimus shot to his peds.

"He doesn't kill Prowl."

"Technicalities." Megatron scoffed and the other Megatron rolled his optics, muttering into his mug of energon.

"He's right. I think Scrapper shoots me." Prowl put in.

"Who?" 'Bay Ratchet asked.

"Extra." Prowl supplied. "Bright greed. Almost as bad as your paint."

"I said enough with the paint!"

"Hey, maybe you'll survive the ambush and pop up later in the movie." Optimus suggested as the other Optimus finally sat back down.

"Shuttle falls out of the sky." Ironhide grumbled.

"Four times!" Ratchet yelled.

"Yeah yeah, at least Ah don't forget my lines!" Ironhide shot back as his black counterpart chuckled and 80's Optimus jerked upright again.

"I don't forget! Not often." Optimus objected.

"You just said yourself you wing it." Megatron added with a grin.

"Doesn't mean I forget." He mumbled, slumping back in his chair to keep scanning the datapad.

"Ha! Speaking of blunders!" Optimus jumped in, sitting up straight to give Ratchet a grin.

"Oh slag."

"That one scene with the power lines in front of the Wickity house?"

"Witcicky." Everyone corrected and Optimus waved them off.

"Yeah yeah, I'm not the only one to pronounce it wrong. Jazz cant say it at all." Optimus said before gesturing toward Ratchet. "Genius over there took out a power pole by accident."

80's Megatron spit-taked back into his mug as Megatron howled with laugher.

"You said you wouldn't tell!" Ratchet yelled, shaking a fisted servo at a still grinning Optimus.

"I thought that was part of the script!" Megatron said as his counterpart continued to cough and hack.

"Nope." Optimus said with a smug grin.

"Fragger." Ratchet growled before smacking the snickering red and white Ratchet.

"I gotta I gotta get cleaned up." 80's Megatron said, as he set his mug in the sink and headed for the door, still laughing.

"And before Ratchet kills us." Megatron added, also setting his mug in the sink and following the other mech out of the rec room. "Would hate to get that nasty paint on me."

"I'll get my paint on you! Get back here!" Ratchet yelled shooting to his peds and taking off after the two laughing Megatrons.

"Better go make sure he doesn't kill the villains." Optimus said with a laugh. Ironhide groaned before nudging his red counterpart.

"Come on, lets go save the bad guys." He said, getting to his peds. "Again."

Prowl grinned before waving for everyone's attention, pressing a finger to his lips and jerking his helm toward Bay Jazz.

"Jazz!" He yelled abruptly and both mechs jumped.

"What!" They both demanded, glaring at Prowl.

"Bay just intercomed you. Said he had a new alt a…" Prowl trailed off before glancing at Optimus. "Ram-borghini or something?"

"Ah Lamborghini!?" Jazz squawked as a huge grin spread across his faceplates.

"Aw naw, not ah chance. Ah'm tah coolest mech on for' wheels." Jazz objected hotly. "Not on ya life!"

"Beat ya to it!" Jazz yelled before launching himself over the table, transforming and peeling out of the room.

"Cheater! Get back here" Jazz yelled also transforming and peeling out.

"Eat mah dust!"

"Not if ah beat ya to it!"

"That was mean." Optimus said, trying and failing to hide a smirk.

Prowl shrugged innocently before grinning impishly.

"I can't wait to hear Bay try and explain that." He said, leaning back and taking a sip of energon.

/Prowl and 80's Ratchet to makeup. Prowl and 80's Ratchet report to makeup/

The mech sputtered before shooting a nervous look toward the door.

"Frag. She found me." He muttered.

"Oh yes she did." Ratchet said with a grin, standing up to grab Prowl by a doorwing. "Come on, if I have to suffer though Tamara, so do I."

"No no no no, not on your life!" Prowl objected hotly, weakly trying to get out of the bigger mech's grip as he dragged him toward the door.

Both Optimus watched them go before Bay Optimus shook his helm, cleaning up the left over mugs and setting them in the sink.

"The life of a leader." Optimus said with a sigh, filling the sink with soapy water. "Always cleaning up after his team."

"The perks are nice though." 80's Optimus replied. "Nice paycheck, plenty of press, the femmes. You see that Elita femme? Now _that's_ a femme!"

"And you wouldn't change it for anything you sly dog." Optimus said with a chuckle.

"Are you kidding me?" 80's Optimus said as he reaching into subspace. "I've got _Ultra Magnus'_ autograph. That beats _anything_ Bay could have offered you."

"How did you get that!" Optimus demanded, reaching for it only for the other mech to toss the datapad back into subspace.

"The life of a celebrity." He said with an obvious grin only to get a rag chucked into his face.

"You get to wash for that." Optimus said, grabbing a dry towel as the other mech scowled.

"Ugh, bet Magnus doesn't have to do dishes."

"Probably not but we're the leaders so we have to clean up the mess." Optimus said, drying a couple mugs and deliberately leaving one on the counter for Jazz.

/All actors report to their places, filming resumes in fifteen minutes/

"Ah, right on que." Bay Optimus said, setting the last mug back on the shelf and hanging the towel up.

"Shall we get to filming?" 80's Optimus asked, gesturing toward the door.

"Age before Beauty." Optimus replied smoothly and the other mech scowled before stalking off.

"Well see about that. See you at the film box Prime."

"One shall stand!" Bay Optimus called as he headed off in a different direction.

"One shall fall!" 80's Optimus yelled back before both mechs burst out laughing and headed off in their own directions.

* * *

 **I have a confession to make. I love Prowl and I absolutely love country music. And I know for a fact that Prowl would cringe if he ever heard country, but running with the whole, 'everyone's different off screen' concept I have going, I had to.**

 **I also own a Chevy Cruise, bright red and i love it hence the inspiration for Bay Jazz's "alt"**

 **And I love the concept of Optimus forgetting his lines and just winging it.**

 **And no I have nothing against Roddy, he did start to grow on me, but Optimus will always be the real Autobot leader.**

 **And everyone oogling over Magnus was just a hilarious concept.**

 **Again, something that popped out of my brain and I ran with it.**

 **Read and Review, I'll try and get back on TMJ:A now and do something actually productive...**


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